Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
