On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
