is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize