Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
