And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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