i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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