I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
4 words: hood of his car
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
