i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
