what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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