At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my poor anus
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
