I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
