Your face is a jimmy john
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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