i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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