is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
