Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
