my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
