The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
