We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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