did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
