Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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