Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
