I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
