There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
