When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
