i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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