She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
