I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
