if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
