3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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