Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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