I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
