On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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