Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
