my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
