You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
