I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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