This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
