No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
