oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
