Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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