Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
