a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I lost the right to judge tonight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
