ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
