I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
