he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
