I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
