i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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