man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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