it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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