Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
